My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
