clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
