i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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