my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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