girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
