Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
