Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
