so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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