She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
