wanna go halves on a baby?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
