i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
