do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
