When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
