Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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