We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
