They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
