After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
