woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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