dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
