based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
