I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
