im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
