I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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