Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Help. Why am I so naked?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
