LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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