There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
