Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
