he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
