Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
