I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
