My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
