Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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