do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
