i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
