I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
