so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
