i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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