The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
