He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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