I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
