yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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