Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
