Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
