I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
