I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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