i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
third nipple confirmed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
