TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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