I'm eating all of the evidence.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
