It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
