Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
