i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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