your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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